Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Spartan Sprint Toronto race report

After last year's Mud Hero debacle,  I have since gotten a lot of therapy for anxiety, leading up to a session last week, where I outlined, in writing, my expectations going into this race:

1.  we would run together
2. Greg would not offer me any help unless I specifically asked for it.
3.  if one person (me) was unable to complete an obstacle, the other was not allowed to brag or gloat about it.

Saturday turned out to be the hottest day of the year so far.  We were scheduled for the 11:30 heat but drove to the site early.  We parked in a field right near two Very Large Dead Things, which led to us gagging and throwing up in our mouths a bit before running away to the start and lining up for the 11 am heat.  Lots of gym rat girls and 20-something douchebag guys, including a group in different superhero shirts, strutting and posing.

Greg told me last year he ran the hills.  I do not run hills, except in road races.  I walked slowly up the hill, letting him go ahead.  The first couple of obstacles were really easy.  The first wall climb came up and I saw the large space underneath the wall, and rolled under instead.  

Occasionally Greg was ahead of me, most of the time he was behind, because I would either skip the obstacle and do 3-10 burpees instead of the 30 prescribed for punishment.  At one point, he was behind by a lot, and I lay down in the mud in a shady place and napped for a few minutes to wait for him.  

At the sandbag carry, I thought the women's weight was too light, so I switched with Greg.  Behind me were the superhero douches, whining about the weight.  I turned around and said, "I bet you don't like that the little Chinese girl is carrying the men's weight without complaining, huh?" That shut them up.  

The only parts of the race that I really liked were the trails, but I can get trails without the obstacles.  

While I didn't have a full scale panic attack like I did at Mud Hero, I just can't wrap my head around the whole "badass" attitude.  I think true badass-ness is achieved through overcoming other kinds of obstacles other than man-made ones.  

Some dude said "great job, hon!" at the end of this obstacle.  I had to resist the urge to throw mud at him.
People kept saying, "this is supposed to be fun!" I wasn't having fun, AT ALL.
Official chip time: 1:28:01.  

It would have been a LOT slower if I had attempted more obstacles.